One more night. Her search was over
The sun came up
She couldn’t write about his pain. Her pain. She didn’t find the memories
Her voice had left
There were no words to write
No love to remember
The pain had damaged her mind
Her soul had turned to dust
Her love
There was no more
She didn’t smile anymore
She only wanted her soul
The voice
Memories untold
To remember
To write once more
She searched for her
The voice
Her words
Darkness. Light.
She wanted to remember
The beginning
The end
This story had no beginning
There was no end
She wanted to find perhaps..
A piece of the memories she left behind
The words that made her cry
The colorful tears
The story she kept in the sky
There was nothing left to write
Not of this story
The pain was so strong she ended up disconnecting from herself
Her story was left in the dark
Forgotten
Hidden from her mind
Suddenly there was a flashing moment
Memories that disappeared
She could feel them still..
She could hear his words
Her tears slowly falling apart
The rain
The tears
Her pain was buried alive
Her voice forgotten in that night
She stopped writing
Tomorrow she will search again
She will try to remember
The love that left her
The one that took everything
He left only…
Empty memories
Darkness
Light
Darkness
Empty memories
A Pain
She no longer could remember..
pain she still felt
Searching
She didn’t know it yet…
She was only five years old when she began to dream, to question the meaning of life, love
She was only five years old when she began searching for the truth behind the unknown story
She didn’t know that throughout her life she would continue searching
Searching for truth
She questioned her memories
She questioned everything
She had witnessed abuse, her own abuse; she became one more unknown statistic
She tried to say something but soon found that it made no difference
She was left questioning why Men feel so empty they feel the need to take away someone’s feelings
She was only seven years old and already felt sick if a stranger; a Man came near her
She couldn’t stand being touched or held even for a moment
She became rebellious but nobody seemed to notice
Soon after this
She learned to hate all Men
She tried to put all the nightmares behind her
She erased all the dark memories from her mind.
All but one..
The memory of him
The blurred image
The voice
The traveler
Lost soul
She didn’t realize that all her life she would continue searching
Searching for the story
Searching for a meaning behind each story
Searching for words that can explain her emotions
Searching for an answer to every unanswered question
Searching for questions to all her answers
Searching for her purpose
Searching for her story
Time went by
The years piled up one by one
Memories filled with dust
No sign of life
No face
No name
No story
She followed her impulse, the signs that went unnoticed
She always felt something was missing.. perhaps it was her mind, her heart, her soul, a missing piece of her story
She tried to find this piece, the lost memories
She searched everywhere but found nothing
She felt a familiar feeling each time she thought of him; the one who gave her life but didn’t stay long enough for her to remember his name
She was left with only faint memories of him
She always asked so many questions
She finally found an answer
She was given a part of the life he left behind
She was given a part of his story
An explanation and finally.. she had a picture to represent the memories
The unanswered questions
A picture for the traveler
The lost soul
She was given his words
Letters she couldn’t understand
Letters she kept then she let go
She kept his broken picture, clothes, and old letters he wrote for her mother
She read his letters each morning trying to find an answer but she was too young to understand that love was just a moment… not meant to be forever
She was given all his letters; letters that were meant to be kept forever
She read these mysterious letters one by one; she read them under the sun
She read them under the trees, in the garden, alone in her room
She was only eight years old but she already understood that love was not love
She understood that love was a feeling, an emotion, a moment
Something that comes and goes
She read all his letters but was left with more questions
She sometimes couldn’t read these letters
There in those letters lived his voice
The voice she never heard
She could see his words, she could feel his words
She finally understood she wasn’t a part of his plan
She learned that money, status, power was more important than love
She understood more and less
She had enough and stopped reading his letters
She couldn’t remember if she read them all
She was told to come to the kitchen table
Her grandmother told her his story, she had heard this many times before but she didn’t accept those words.
She had hope
She wanted to believe that maybe he had a reason
A true purpose
Something to excuse his absence
His lost memory
Nothing
Soon after this, she decided to let go
There was no better choice
It was either
Dream that someday he’ll return
Dream of an explanation
A short answer
Or
Let go
Be free from his memory
Let go of the questions
The unanswered questions
She decided to let go
She Burned all his words,
She watched his letters go up in smoke
The last thing she held in her hands was his picture
She couldn’t understand why
She knew she had to be strong
She let go
She watched his image disappear
Colors fading one by one
The fire consumed his memory
The fire ended her search
She let go
Fear
There was fear that night
Fear
Fear flowing through her veins
Fear
One word
One emotion
One feeling
Fear
The sound of her telephone ringing
Fear
The sound of his voice
Fear
The sound of his car
The white noise in her mind
The unending fear
Fear
The sound of his voice
The look in his eyes
The smell of beer
Fear
“Loud words; red roses scattered around her. Their veins still attached cut her.”
Sounds
Flashes of light
Darkness
Fear
Loud words she couldn’t feel
There was nothing left; nothing left to fear
This was the final moment
The beginning of something dark
Fear didn’t leave that time
The loud music drowned away all sound
Miles away in the dark
Heading nowhere
Hoping the road would come to an end
Searching for a dead end
He searched and found nothing
He wanted to end his misery
He wanted to end her fear
He wanted to end it
He wanted to be stopped
He wanted to die
He wanted to survive
He was searching for the light
He found darkness
He gave her this light
There was silence
Moments of deep white silence
Darkness
Loud words I couldn’t hear
Memories flashed before her eyes
This was only the beginning
We came to a dark open field
He searched for something he never found
He prayed for a vehicle to come out of nowhere and take us away forever
He prayed, he asked God to end it
God didn’t listen
Silence
Darkness
Flashing memories
Sounds
Fear
Back on the road to nowhere
No destination was chosen
He was searching for death yet death didn’t find him
He was in pain
He couldn’t find death
This too was her fault
He couldn’t find death
He couldn’t find peace
She needed to leave this place
She needed to suffer what he suffered
He needed to see himself through her eyes
None of this happened
Moments passed away
Darkness sorrounded them now
There was no light left
There was no light left
He fear was so strong; she didn’t notice the time and place had quickly changed
She closed her eyes
She pretended not to feel
She pretended to be blind
She couldn’t feel
There was a moment when she wanted to jump out of the moving vehicle
120 mph would end the nightmare
It would end her fear
Impossible
Locked doors; nowhere to go
He gave her 1 minute to pick up the phone; She wasn’t allowed to use her hands.
It was his perfect plan
If death wouldn’t come to him, he would bring death near
This was her only chance to free herself or die with him
He didn’t let her try
Seconds, minutes, hours went by
Seconds
Minutes
Hours
Pain
Blood
Pain
Blood
Screams nobody could hear
Screams they ignored
The looked
They walked away
Time finally stopped
There was a moment, a single moment of light
It followed her home
She was told to return
She was told to hold on
Courage is what she found when she opened her eyes
There was something in his words; a deeper meaning behind his voice
He said; You know what to do
Gun in his hand; he placed it behind her head and made her look into his eyes while he did the rest
He told her she would die
He asked her if she had any final words to say
She said NO
She was ready to go (but inside a voice)
A familiar voice told her to hold on
It wasn’t time to go
He pulled the trigger
Silence
Nothing
He hated her more than any living breathing being he ever knew
She was his poison
She was his insanity
A love so strong
It almost killed them both
God told him to end it with her
He wouldn’t rest
He wouldn’t sleep until she could sleep no more
Silence
Darkness
There were moments of darkness
The last words she heard from him were
I hate you
I never loved you
I hate you
Before this day turns to night
You will be dead
Everyone will be dead
You won’t see the sky turn gray
He failed again
The drugs in his body were too strong
She survived
She escaped
She walked away
She never looked back
He was taken away
He thought she would die
She was bleeding inside
And
The baby
Her baby survived
She survived
This was the beginning
Fear never left.
(Source: believeinfreedom)
